today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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