oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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