Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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