yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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