If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
