Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
