How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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