Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
