I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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