so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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