The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
