I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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