So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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