I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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