We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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