WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
