This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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