3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
