listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
