she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
