I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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