Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
