i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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