According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
