Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
