I faked an abortion last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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