im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
