just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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