I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
