at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
