worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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