Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
