My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
