Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
