I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
