Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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