How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have aggressive nipples.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
