i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
