I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
