dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
