He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
