Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
