Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know her cup size but not her name....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
