I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is the high leading the old right now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
