i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm too high and old for this...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
