god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
