It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
