i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
