I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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