Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
