I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
