speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
