I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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