Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
