I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she pinky promised me she was 18
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
